No loving relationship can exist. (Without communication). Kids believe they have important things to say, but as a parent it's your job to ignore them and beat them until they realize the world is a grim, cold place. The most important thing to remember about talking to your kids is that you're always right. You are way older and wiser than they'll ever be, and you know what drugs can do. Drugs can help you with your problems, make you feel good, improve your self-image and help you meet cool friends. Here are some tips to help you help your children understand this.

• Introduce your child to the music of Nine Inch Nails, Hank Rollins, Tool and other bands that will help break their self-esteem slowly.
• Show your kid how to roll a joint. It's best to learn from someone you trust.
• Abolish any and all curfews. The best way to learn about the problems of waking up in some stranger's bed is from first-hand experience.
• Your son or daughter will respect you more if you smoke up with them or let them blow a few lines (or even have a couple of your beers). Make it a family activity.
• Tell other parents that, no, their kid is the bad influence. Kill your family pet and blame it on their son. This will make you look good in the eyes of other parents.
• Demonstrate the ravages of driving while under the influence by taking your child to the local morgue. Slipping the mortian some money will ensure a memorable time.
• Most importantly, enforce strict and harsh punishments when you find your teen pilfering your stash. Consider a strong lockbox to keep it out of their greedy hands and a stout branch to show them who's boss.